Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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