Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
