dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
