Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
