i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
