so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
