My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
