God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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