i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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