awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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