So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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