Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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