mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
