On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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