come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
