Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
