Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
