it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
my nose is crying tears of wow.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
