where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
