omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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