When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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