I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
