I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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