I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
