Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
