wat bout pragnant strippers??
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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