My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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