I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
