it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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