Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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