I got her a Nickelback box set.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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