His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
