the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
