we have officially lost it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
