my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
