forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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