i permit you to call me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
