did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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