the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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