I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
