I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
