Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
