Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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