I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
