We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
