I want to walk on stilts...naked
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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