Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
