My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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