Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
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I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
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I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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