p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i think i have herpe
just one?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
