I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
