Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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