somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
