i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
