If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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