I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize