I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
