sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
