Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
