It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
