I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize