I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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