LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
