The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
