It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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