I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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