And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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