only if we run a train.
done.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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