and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
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FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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