so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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