went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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