So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
