1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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