Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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