I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
