i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
